Why I Like Old Movies and TV

     In my last post I mentioned that I liked seeing old TV shows because of the differences in how life was lived.  Even if it doesn’t seem like it was that long ago, there’s a whole host of differences in how we live our lives.

     The same is true for old movies.  I’ll watch a really old movie just to see how things are so different.  Like, if you watch a movie from before the 1960’s, almost every guy is wearing a hat.  Or seeing a movie that has a man delivering ice.  Or milk.  Having four kids, milk delivery would be an awesome thing to have if the price were right.

     There are times wouldn’t I wouldn’t mind having ice delivered, either.  Especially when the ice maker on the fridge is busted.

     Anyway, I can watch a movie or TV show and enjoy myself without even having to pay attention to the plot or anything.  The only downside is that movies and TV aren’t the best place to find historical accuracies. 

Random Monday

     The good news is that I got my car working again.  The bad news is, thanks to computers, it could have been fixed last week.  All that was really wrong was that it needed a new battery.  However, changing the battery can screw up the on-board computer causing it to go into a “limp home” mode.  What this does is make it so you can’t use the gas pedal.  It just doesn’t work.  You have to drive around at idle.

     However, if you leave the car sitting around for two hours or so then the computer either resets itself or gathers enough data to get it back into the swing of the things.

     So, in theory, I have a working car again.  I just don’t know how much I can trust it.

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     I haven’t gotten a winning Dr Pepper in a while.  I think I know why.  I think someone’s been counting my trips to the Dr Pepper machine.  After I go there five times, I think this person goes to the machine and takes the sixth, winning, Dr Pepper.

     I need to stake out the machine after I buy five and catch the bastard stealing my winning caps.

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     Watching old TV shows is kind of like a hobby to me.  Last night I watched the pilot episode of a show called “Due South.”  It’s about a Canadian Mountie who’s father is killed.  This Mountie then goes to Chicago to find out who killed him and why.  It’s a good show, and I enjoyed it when it was on TV in the 1990’s. 

     It’s amazing to see how different things are now.  In this pilot episodes a guy actually goes to use a payphone.  Can you believe that?  In a phone booth.  Wow.

Movies

     I watched the trailer for “Max Payne” yesterday.  As far as video game to movie conversions go, it looks pretty good.  It’s got Mark Wahlberg in it, too, and he looks like the perfect choice for Max.

     Movies made from video games have a spotty record.  Really big black spots.  They rarely turn out good and, if they do, they usually don’t have much in common with the game other than the name.

     “Tomb Raider” wasn’t horribly awful.  It had some pretty major plot holes but many people didn’t seem to notice.  They were too busy being blinded by Angelina Jolie’s enhanced boobs. 

     I hear there’s rumors of a Pac-Man movie.  Only God knows how they plan on doing that.

Uncouth Human

     The news stories are hitting the web: food manufacturer’s are giving you the same size package for the same price but putting less product in the package.  So that 24oz box of Cheerios you’ve been buying for years?  Take another look at it and you may find that you’re holding 20oz of cereal now.

     Many people are crying foul over this saying that the big corporations are trying to trick you, to fool you, making you think you’re buying the same amount of produce that you’ve been buying, but actually shorting you.

     They’re not trying to trick you.  They’re trying to help you.  We are an obese country and the only way you’re going to shed those pounds is by eating less.  What better way to help you lose weight than to make you think you’re eating the same while shaving off a portion or two? 

     You should be thanking them, not cursing them.  You’ve only got a little while left to try and fit into that speedo or thong, so you better get on it.

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     All gasoline and diesel cars and trucks have been outlawed and taken off the road.  Everyone now drives an electric car.  At 5:00pm everyone hums home after work.  Each day millions of people come home and plug in their cars.  Then what?  Blackout?  Brownouts?  What?

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Midway Through A Bad Week

     I’ve lived my life being told that animals don’t think or have feelings.  They work completely off instinct.  Having grown up that way I firmly believe that line of thinking is utter bullshit.

     Last night I had Zoey (who, it turns out, is a Timneh) on my arm and I wanted to get her onto her cage.  She’s got a large perch on top of her cage.  Zoey, by the way, hates not being on me and will resist any time I try and get her to step down.  Unless she’s hungry or thirsty or tired.

     So I held my arm out so she was behind her perch.  I held my arm so that for her to move closer to me, she would have to step up onto her perch and then I could get my arm away before she could get back on it.  It was a good plan.

     Or it would have been a good plan had Zoey cooperated.  What she did was stand on my wrist and look around to see if she could get back to my shoulder without losing contact with my arm.  She would try and go a certain route, but once she realized that both her feet would be off my arm, she would stop and back up.  She did that several times.

     Finally, she used her beak to grab onto the very edge of the perch and edged her body around it.  This was a route she had thought about a few times but didn’t go through with.  Probably because of the angle her body would have to be at.  But she finally realized that she had no other way of getting to my shoulder without leaving my arm entirely.  To me, that shows quite a bit of problem solving and analytical skill.

     And anyone that says animals don’t have feelings never had a parrot sit with her back to them saying, “Peek-a-boo” in a very soft, sad voice.

     The kids have been dropped off to camp.  Sadly, the SUV died sometime while we were gone.  That makes life just a little bit more difficult.  So now I have to rent a Volkswagon Jetta to get around. 

     Actually, it’s not a bad car.  It’s no Viper, but it does move when you want it to move. 

     Since I have a camera, we decided (on the way back from Denton) to take a boatload of pictures of the racetrack.  I didn’t have any real reason for doing so, but it seemed like a good idea.

     It was nearly deserted there.  I guess that’s not a big surprise when there’s no race going on.

     But now I can say that I was there.  Ha!

     Anyway, if I can get things working right, there’ll be more pictures at the GoE-Gallery.

Day of the Viper

I’m the type of person who doesn’t like to test drive cars for the fun of it.  It’s not that I don’t enjoy it, I do.  I worry that I’ll enjoy it so much that I’ll want whatever it is I’m driving. If it’s something that I wouldn’t be able to get then I’ll feel miserable about.

So, when my brother-in-law came by and held out his hand, dangling the keys to his Dodge Viper, and said, “You wanna take her for a spin?” I was as surprised as anyone when I grabbed the keys and yelled back, “Sure! Thanks! Bye!”

Getting into the Viper proved to be a bit difficult.  For one thing,

the seat doesn’t go back very far.  Another is that the door sill is kind of wide and the seats are well bolstered.  Finally, I have gigantic feet and getting them into any car can be a hassle.  Oddly enough, the Viper has manual seat controls but the pedals are electrically adjustable. 

One of my fears about driving the Viper would be that I’d give it too much gas.  Like, when reversing down the driveway.  I had a mental image of barely touching the petal and having loads of smoke appear while I did a kind of bootlegger turn onto the street.  Luckily, it’s quite easy to drive.  Just give it a little gas and let up on the clutch and it was happy as anything just to get moving.

Getting it out onto the open road was an experience.  When I say “open,” of course, I mean on the highway where all the traffic lights are.  People crane to look at you while you’re stuck next to them waiting for the light to turn green.  In traffic.  But if you’re lucky enough to get some clear space, boy, this baby can move.  You feel yourself pushed back into the seat. 

What I found amazing was how easy it was to drive.  It was ready to move when you were, but in traffic it was kind and gentle.  I found the seats to be really comfortable, but then I like sports cars more than I like luxury vehicles.  I didn’t mind the cramped space or

the ride (which wasn’t all that harsh).  Shifting was easy.  The only real problem I had was because of my gigantic feet.  I kept goosing the gas while my foot was on the brake at the light.  This wasn’t a problem while I was driving, though.

I’m sure could handle corners like a slot car on rails. I didn’t get a chance to try that out, though.  I was kind of forbidden to get wild on the few corners I encountered.  Making regular turns, though, was like riding with Automan – flat. 

I only drove it for about 45 minutes, but there wasn’t a whole I didn’t like about it.  The wind noise wasn’t bad even when you’re at

speed (again, I like sports cars).  You could hear the stereo.  You could even here my scream of pain when I rested my wrist on the metal ring around the gear shift.  That sucker gets hot when it’s out in the sun.

The funny thing about doing something that you find fun and exciting is that it’s the only thing on your mind for hours to come.  It sort of impedes on conversations, though.

Checkout Girl:  Did you find everything you were loo-
Me: I drove a Viper today!
Checkout Girl: Uh…
Me: A real one!  Not a video game one!
Checkout Girl: Well… Isn’t that special for you?
Me: Yeah!  A Viper!

Surely, it was a wonderful present for the Fourth of July. 

Snack Food Review: Oreo Cakester

I like Oreo cookies.  I know they’re not the original (that would be the Hydrox even though it sounds like an industrial cleaner) but I like them just the same.

Now the taste of the Oreo cookie comes to you in the guise of a

cake.  It’s kind of like a Hostess cupcake but without the top icing, and with the creme filling visible. Okay, two cupcake-like things sandwiching the creme.  The same kind of creme you get in a Twinkie or cupcake, not the kind you get in an Oreo cookie.

And that, my friends, is the Oreo Cakester.

They come in two flavors: regular and chocolate creme.  They both taste kind of the same, though.  Which is okay, because they taste pretty good.  They’re not dry at all, so they go down nicely.  They’d probably taste better with a glass of milk.  Even a plastic of milk.

My biggest issue, though, is that the tops don’t have the Oreo name and design stamped on them.  I think that’s a horrible oversight and should be remedied.